Monday, 14 September 2009

The baldness survival guide

I've been thinking about writing about hair loss for a while, but I kept putting it off; which in fact turned out to be a very good idea; because you know, all this while I’ve been getting better qualified for the job.
The scope and purpose of this document is to list out a few survival tips for my bald and gradually balding fellow beings. Some handy tips and thoughts that will help you cope. So here we go:
  1. Think about bald and successful men, like Rajnikanth , Bruce Willis, Vladmir Putin, Mahatma Gandhi, Rajiv Gandhi etc. (some idiots may tell you these men became bald when they were like 50, but see, what really matters is that people know them as bald men).
  2. Observe other bald men, and find out ways in which you are better looking. This might be slightly difficult in the beginning; the trick is to pick the right specimens to compare with.
  3. Never spend too much time reminiscing at old baby pictures, I mean those taken when you were 2-3 years old, and you had as much hair as a hippie bear.
  4. Surround yourself with a support group of bald men (this will also help you with # 2 above)
  5. If you haven't gone completely bald yet, start working on you hairstyle. Never go for the drag-and-drop style (you know what I mean). Keep changing your style gradually exposing the baldness. Try growing a beard and see if the distinguished scholar look suits you. Or shave all your hair (don’t worry, they will grow back…well if they don’t...tough luck dude) and grow a French beard for the intelligent techie look.
  6. This is something I picked up recently from one of my balding friends (see, this is why point#4 is so important). Don’t let your hair grow too much. Counter intuitive as it may seem, the more hair you have, the more it will contrast with the bald areas. So get regular haircuts.
  7. Important: If you stay away from friends and family, send pictures to them often enough, so that they can take the shock when they finally see you in person.
  8. How do you respond to those comments from the smart asses who happen to have more hair than you? This is something that I’ve pondered a lot about. I’ve got to admit, I’m still very much at a loss here. I’ve tried a lot of responses…like oh it’s the water, or that it’s in my family, or, that girls like bald men. No clear winner so far.
  9. Start believing that girls actually like bald men. Given the fact that this is still pretty much a gray area for modern science, who knows, you may actually be right.
  10. Read the Gita. How it helps? Well, read through, you’ll figure it out yourself.


Indu Lekshmi said...

:D good one

bala said...

good one...lage raho....

kochuthresiamma p .j said...

solution to point 8.
my father used to say (and believe too) that the more evolved you are, the more bald you become. his logic: in the transition of ape to man, hair loss was a the most prominent visible feature. if you have a thick shock of hair, you are closer to your ancestors than the bald people.
also, can you think of anyone more handsome than yul brynner?(hope i got his spelling right)

Monika said...

Nithin ...Your tips appear to be be directed largely towards balding/bald men. I'm sure you'll agree with me when I say the balding experience (near or otherwise) is far more traumatic for women. While full blown bald men are variously described as "distinguished" (if wealthy), "jolly" (if portly) and "austere" (if thin) women with somewhat thinning hair are treated like terminally ill patients. There's that mixture of morbid curiosity and a desperate attempt to look anywhere but "there". On a separate note, I'm curious as to the effects of Option #5 (?) on your appearance, where you suggest shaving off what's left. Your jawline/cheekbones suggest a promising head.. (No, photoShop just wont do it.)

Nithin Rajan said...

@kochuthresiamma, that's by far the best I've heard, thanks for that!
@Monika, yes true, this should be worse for women. "promising head":), I like that figure of speech, I think I'll do it the next time I'm away from home - the aftermath will be too much to handle otherwise:)

Cris said...

Oh I missed all this stuff! Muthaappa and his mudi-illa problems.

Hmm usual solutions:
how about wearing a cap? I am sure you wouldnt want a wig.

@KT dont know Brynner but my vote definitely goes to Bruce Willis and Anupam Kher.